By Jeremy Boz

Q:  Why don't guy and girl "best friends" just fuck and get it over with?

                                                -- Chuck, 22, Student, Brooklyn, NY

A: Ahhhh, I have heard this one so many times over the years, especially back in the high school and college days. Here’s the thing: Usually, it is either one or the other (of the two) that wants to fuck. It is so very rare that both people in the friendship want to drop everything and get it on. Trust me, if that were the case, it would have happened by now. The problem with this is that you run the risk of ruining a perfectly good friendship.

Now I pose this question: Are you truly friends or are you holding on to hope the other person in the relationship will fall for you (or just want to screw your brains out)?

I have seen the second scenario so many times. One of the two in the relationship is hoping the other will come around because they are madly in love. The general result 99% of the time is heartbreak. I am a firm believer there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed unless both parties are well aware of the consequences.

The most major consequence of getting it on with your good friend is you run the risk of ruining the relationship for good. The actual chance of having sex with your best friend and both of you waking up in the morning completely comfortable with what just happened (most likely while you were intoxicated) is slim to none. We are all guilty of wanting to have sex with someone your friends with; generally, that’s why (or how) you became friends in the first place. It could have been a co-worker, school friend, childhood friend or anything else for that matter. The point is there was some attraction -- emotional or physical -- that was the basis for the friendship.

My suggestion is that if you are willing to risk a friendship, then try your luck.

Keep this in mind: Body language is a very important part of communication. In fact it is the largest part of non-verbal communication. You should already have a good idea if your “friend” is into you. Little hints, advances or other gestures should give you an idea of where your friend stands on this.

Let’s say you do decide to take the next step. My first suggestion would be to bring it up first. I’ve seen too many friends just get drunk and wake up like “What the fuck did we do?”

By bringing it up, I mean introducing the idea first. See where they stand. Approach it like “Hey, I was wondering…?” And the rest I will let you figure out.

But I will leave you with this. My approach would be along the lines of sex without commitment. This is such a delicate matter, I would proceed with caution. I wouldn’t run the risk of ruining a good friendship for some good sex! There are too many women in this world that you could “fuck” and be just as satisfied. The allure of great sex with a great friend is misleading. A friend should stay a friend for many more reasons than just having them as a fuck buddy!

-- J. Boz